Naked Ventures

My head seems to cause some of the best doctors in the world many problems. I passed my psych exam with flying colors, but the doctor still has no idea what to work with. I had to get some extra reports sent from my Neurologist down to Jefferson, but so far it seems like all the doctors I have seen are just breaking down and scratching their heads. I'm not sure if that is a good thing, but so far this keeps getting depressive due to the lack of ideas anyone has about this. I've tried many different things, perhaps all the possibilities I could do without medications. Now I need to sit around and try what the world is like with constant pain without any possible reprieve. I know this sounds like a huge pity party, but I've almost been defeated by these eight months and two days with constant pain. Who knows what the future holds, but at this point I'm just starting to give up and relax because if the best minds in the headache world have no idea what is going on in my head, all the tests and exams show me as a perfectly healthy person of my age, I guess I have little if anything going for me in terms of this ever disappearing.

I was wandering around the tubes of the internet tonight and I found something worth sharing. Try the link first, but the text will be at the end in case the link dies. This is just a really great post for many reasons: first, it should make for good birth control, one or two kids sounds like more than enough, two, it's just fucking hilarious, three, I can't come up with three because with my headaches I don't have a short term memory anymore and I can't even remember what I was writing about at the beginning of this sentence. Well here we go, have fun.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=130144061675


Description:

I'm selling a bunch of Pokemon cards. Why? Because my kids sneaked them into my shopping cart while at the grocery store and I ended up buying them because I didn't notice they were there until we got home. How could I have possibly not noticed they were in my cart, you ask? Let me explain.

You haven’t lived until you’ve gone grocery shopping with six kids in tow. I would rather swim, covered in bait, through the English Channel, be a contestant on Fear Factor when they’re having pig brains for lunch, or do fourth grade math than to take my six kids to the grocery store. Because I absolutely detest grocery shopping, I tend to put it off as long as possible. There comes a time, however, when you’re peering into your fridge and thinking, ‘Hmmm, what can I make with ketchup, Italian dressing, and half an onion,’ that you decide you cannot avoid going to the grocery store any longer. Before beginning this most treacherous mission, I gather all the kids together and give them “The Lecture“.

“The Lecture“ goes like this…

MOM: “We have to go to the grocery store.”

KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“

MOM: “Hey, I don’t want to go either, but it’s either that or we’re eating cream of onion-ketchup soup and drinking Italian dressing for dinner tonight.”

KIDS: “Whine whine whine whine whine.“

MOM: “Now here are the rules: do not ask me for anything, do not poke the packages of meat in the butcher section, do not test the laws of physics and try to take out the bottom can in the pyramid shaped display, do not play baseball with oranges in the produce section, and most importantly, do not try to leave your brother at the store. Again.”

OK, the kids have been briefed. Time to go.

Once at the store, we grab not one, but two shopping carts. I wear the baby in a sling and the two little children sit in the carts while I push one cart and my oldest son pushes the other one. My oldest daughter is not allowed to push a cart. Ever. Why? Because the last time I let her push the cart, she smashed into my ankles so many times, my feet had to be amputated by the end of our shopping trip. This is not a good thing. You try running after a toddler with no feet sometime.

At this point, a woman looks at our two carts and asks me, “Are they all yours?” I answer good naturedly, “Yep!

“Oh my, you have your hands full.”

“Yes, I do, but it‘s fun!” I say smiling. I’ve heard all this before. In fact, I hear it every time I go anywhere with my brood.

We begin in the produce section where all these wonderfully, artistically arranged pyramids of fruit stand. There is something so irresistibly appealing about the apple on the bottom of the pile, that a child cannot help but try to touch it. Much like a bug to a zapper, the child is drawn to this piece of fruit. I turn around to the sounds of apples cascading down the display and onto the floor. Like Indiana Jones, there stands my son holding the all-consuming treasure that he just HAD to get and gazing at me with this dumbfounded look as if to say, “Did you see that??? Wow! I never thought that would happen!”

I give the offending child an exasperated sigh and say, “Didn’t I tell you, before we left, that I didn’t want you taking stuff from the bottom of the pile???”

“No. You said that you didn’t want us to take a can from the bottom of the pile. You didn’t say anything about apples.”

With superhuman effort, I resist the urge to send my child to the moon and instead focus on the positive - my child actually listened to me and remembered what I said!!! I make a mental note to be a little more specific the next time I give the kids The Grocery Store Lecture.

A little old man looks at all of us and says, “Are all of those your kids?”

Thinking about the apple incident, I reply, “Nope. They just started following me. I’ve never seen them before in my life.”

OK, now onto the bakery section where everything smells so good, I’m tempted to fill my cart with cookies and call it a day. Being on a perpetual diet, I try to hurry past the assortment of pies, cakes, breads, and pastries that have my children drooling. At this point the chorus of “Can we gets” begins.

“Can we get donuts?”

“No.”

“Can we get cupcakes?”

“No.”

“Can we get muffins?”

“No.”

“Can we get pie?”

“No.”

You’d think they’d catch on by this point, but no, they’re just getting started.

In the bakery, they’re giving away free samples of coffee cake and of course, my kids all take one. The toddler decides he doesn’t like it and proceeds to spit it out in my hand. (That’s what moms do. We put our hands in front of our children’s mouths so they can spit stuff into them. We’d rather carry around a handful of chewed up coffee cake, than to have the child spit it out onto the floor. I’m not sure why this is, but ask any mom and she’ll tell you the same.) Of course, there’s no garbage can around, so I continue shopping one-handed while searching for someplace to dispose of the regurgitated mess in my hand.

In the meat department, a mother with one small baby asks me, “Wow! Are all six yours?”

I answer her, “Yes, but I’m thinking of selling a couple of them.”

(Still searching for a garbage can at this point.)

Ok, after the meat department, my kids’ attention spans are spent. They’re done shopping at this point, but we aren’t even halfway through the store. This is about the time they like to start having shopping cart races. And who may I thank for teaching them this fun pastime? My seventh “child”, also known as my husband. While I’m picking out loaves of bread, the kids are running down the aisle behind the carts in an effort to get us kicked out of the store. I put to stop to that just as my son is about to crash head on into a giant cardboard cut-out of a Keebler elf stacked with packages of cookies.

Ah! Yes! I find a small trash can by the coffee machine in the cereal aisle and finally dump out the squishy contents of my hand. After standing in the cereal aisle for an hour and a half while the kids perused the various cereals, comparing the marshmallow and cheap, plastic toy content of each box, I broke down and let them each pick out a box. At any given time, we have twenty open boxes of cereal in my house.

As this is going on, my toddler is playing Houdini and maneuvering his little body out of the seat belt in an attempt to stand up in the cart. I’m amazed the kid made it to his second birthday without suffering a brain damaging head injury. In between trying to flip himself out of the cart, he sucks on the metal bars of the shopping cart. Mmmm, can you say “influenza”?

The shopping trip continues much like this. I break up fights between the kids now and then and stoop down to pick up items that the toddler has flung out of the cart. I desperately try to get everything on my list without adding too many other goodies to the carts.

Somehow I manage to complete my shopping in under four hours and head for the check-outs where my kids start in on a chorus of, “Can we have candy?” What evil minded person decided it would be a good idea to put a display of candy in the check-out lanes, right at a child’s eye level? Obviously someone who has never been shopping with children.

As I unload the carts, I notice many extra items that my kids have sneaked in the carts unbeknownst to me. I remove a box of Twinkies, a package of cupcakes, a bag of candy, and a can of cat food (we don’t even have a cat!). I somehow missed the box of Pokemon cards however and ended up purchasing them unbeknownst to me. As I pay for my purchases, the clerk looks at me, indicates my kids, and asks, “Are they all yours?”

Frustrated, exhausted from my trip, sick to my stomach from writing out a check for $289.53, dreading unloading all the groceries and putting them away and tired of hearing that question, I look at the clerk and answer her in my most sarcastic voice, “No. They’re not mine. I just go around the neighborhood gathering up kids to take to the grocery store because it’s so much more fun that way.”

So, up for auction is an opened (they ripped open the box on the way home from the store) package of Pokemon cards. There are 44 cards total. They're in perfect condition, as I took them away from the kiddos as soon as we got home from the store. Many of them say "Energy". I tried carrying them around with me, but they didn't work. I definitely didn't have any more energy than usual. One of them is shiny. There are a few creature-like things on many of them. One is called Pupitar. Hee hee hee Pupitar! (Oh no! My kids' sense of humor is rubbing off on me!) Anyway, I don't there's anything special about any of these cards, but I'm very much not an authority on Pokemon cards. I just know that I'm not letting my kids keep these as a reward for their sneakiness.

Shipping is FREE on this item. Insurance is optional, but once I drop the package at the post office, it is no longer my responsibility. For example, if my son decides to pour a bottle of glue into the envelope, or my daughter spills a glass of juice on the package, that’s my responsibility and I will fully refund your money. If, however, I take the envelope to the post office and a disgruntled mail carrier sets fire to it, a pack of wild dogs rip into it, or a mail sorting machine shreds it, it’s out of my hands, so you may want to add insurance. I will leave feedback for you as soon as I’ve received your payment. I will be happy to combine shipping on multiple items won within three days. This comes from a smoke-free, pet-free, child-filled home. Please ask me any questions before placing your bid. Happy bidding! :)

Yeah I know, I should probably write more often, but life has been normal and nothing of note has really appeared. But I decided that I need to write something, so I shall write about something I found on my travels through the internet today.




While McGuire might lack the singing ability of modern artists, his lyrics ring true no matter what is going on with the little quagmire in Iraq. Today people focus on the visual media. I really don't care about the visuals, I want good lyrics and good song writing. He shows exactly how to do it. Does it matter to anyone that people have no cares about the meaning behind things? Right now we're in a war much worse than anyone could have imagined, let alone being brought about by the same people who lived through the Vietnam quagmire. Iraq has turned into a glorious cluster fuck, but popular culture has failed to take any notice of it. This keeps the people away from making the fight a central tenet of their life. The conservative moguls who own the media, including most of the internet sources now, make the message the one that makes the ruling class happy. Keeping the majority class, which is against this war and many other things the ruling class forces on this country, repressed and limiting the role it can play in shaping its own future.

In short, this country needs a rebellion to uproot the entire system that has come into play. Many people are too complacent or too buried to keep their heads up and alive preventing any democratic political thought from truly developing. The conservative revolution after World War II, a.k.a. The War to End All Wars, has only resulted in at least four truly destructive wars, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq Round I, and Iraq Round II, that has only damaged the world's forward progression. The conservation movement has only proved itself a power, hungry menace that has destroyed the American democratic tradition in pursuit of the capitalist cum fascist goals that allow the minority of people to stay in power.

I love the old East Germany, the people and the way of life are just great. It's sad to see it disappear as Germany unifies into a larger whole. That said, there is a huge market to allow people to relive the old glory days of Ost Deutschland, where they made car frames out of molded particle board. But creating a new hostel to it is a grand idea, I only wish that it existed when I lived in Berlin, it would have been the first I would have stopped on my way to somewhere and nowhere.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,490847,00.html

The summer is going great so far, tonight I get to manage the college center and do some other odds and ends around campus before spending all of tomorrow morning moving to my real apartment for the next school year and my other temp. room for the summer. But I should be home around lunchtime given that I really don't have too much to do, it should hopefully only be a carload or two and I should be able to finesse a good parking spot that would make offloading easy. At least the good thing with the apartment is that I can go back to speaking German all the time with a good friend. Now in the words of a good guy, Tschuß...bitches.

Wow, I guess I need to update, it's only been a month or two since I've entered the wonderful world of livejournal to give an update on how my life is going. First off, on the headache front, the spinal tap results are so far negative and showing nothing so that means I have to keep on waiting and plugging along hoping that either it goes away on its own or further tests with other fun things and other strange possibilities. But it is nice to finally be 21 and able to be a full adult in the US. Even if the beer sucks in most places, martinis and wine are always available and able to be consumed. I finally feel nice ordering a glass of wine with dinner instead of another damn "Coke" and feeling like a child. It's finally nice to feel like an adult and be able to enjoy all of the rights and privileges of being an adult.

My summer so far is really fun, I get to play the manager of my own department and decide what people do and when they do it. So far it has worked out really well. But this just plays into the feeling of getting my own independent apartment, buying my first car, turning 21, and various other things to conspire and make me feel fully independent and adultlike. It's scary. Now I guess I feel old and adult now and that my life has settled in. I guess for now I'm on my way to be an adult and enjoying it, whether I can or not.

P.S.-Here is something cool to check out when you have the time.
http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/features/20moviethings.htm

Over the past month I've done many things, least of which has been updating this little voyeuristic look into my life. So far life has been good, but I have recently discovered some things that make life even better. The first two links regard a graphic story that is almost too funny/disguisting to be told, but ask my better half, I cracked up when I saw them.

http://www.brainsonfilm.com/geek.html

http://www.surfindead.com/geek.html

This next link is just funny. It is the stories and observations of a professional rat-catcher from some English city in the late 1800's if I remember correctly, but it is funny and interesting nevertheless.

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/17243/17243-h/17243-h.htm#startoftext

A final thing is an update game which just sucks time in no matter what I have due, I guess it's a good thing I finished up my finals recently and only have some odds and ends to finish up with before I can officially begin the summer work season.

http://www.addictinggames.com/vrdefendery3k.html

I know I use www.addictinggames.com, but they have some very good stuff up there. As for life in general it's going well after spending this week moving my Gramma from Delano to Newtown and getting her settled into her new apartment. From there I get to spend a slightly long weekend moving out of my apartment at F&M before I move into my new room in Dietz on Wednesday. It's not too bad time wise, it's just hectic and busier than I expected with everything going on. I just wanted a week I could quietly disappear with and relax in the woods away from all human contact, since human contact only adds to my to do list. But for now things go well and they should stay that way until something goes wrong and I get some new experiences in dealing with it.

So far life is as good as possible given the 9 week long migraine, but I've found some more amusing things to spread throughout the world.

http://www.esquire.com/print-this/60things0507

and

http://www.yorktownhistory.org/homepages/1900_predictions.htm

Comment Below, pretty funny. Although for the second I will say that if you change them around a little and add in spaceflight, a fair amount of those are close enough to being accurate and then some just are way off.

Well, I have to give it to good old F&M. My college has a serious workload, most people joke about it, but they leave here alcoholics. Alcohol is the biggest coping mechanisms here for the massive amounts of stress and work inflicted upon us. Normally I really don't care about the workload, it is really high, but I find it fun and relaxing in its own way, shape, and form. Now I come to the idea of my transformed migraine, which I have had for about 7-8 weeks running now. A transformed migraine is defined as any headache that affects you for more than 15 days a month, with the exception of February, in that month it only has to affect you for 14 days. Basically having this non-stop for about two months really makes it qualify as a fun time. The best part about it is that my neurologist keeps giving my triptans (fancy, brain modifying drugs) that supposedly work great to kill migraines. Well, for me they're moderately effective at best. That take me from reclusive level to barely functioning in terms of pain. But for some reason I keep getting bigger and bigger doses of triptans to try just out of shear hope that one might work. I have tried that for several weeks, then I stopped caring and went back to living my life as best I could with a daily non-stop migraine.

When I started drinking again, the relief from the pain was amazing. Just one shot every 3 hours or so and there would be next to no pain and I could fully function again with little to no side effects, assuming I kept to my dosing schedule. If I moved my dosing schedule up obviously I just show up drunk everywhere, but I'm in college and can live with that. So these headaches turn me into a person with a very interesting situation. I either turn into an alcoholic for the foreseeable future, like F&M would have done to me anyway, or I get to try new sorts of weird drugs that might or might not work. Ironically alcohol has so far been the most effective drug, now if only I can ask my doctor about that and have him say good things about it. As for now, I'm actually be updating and commenting often, but I have many papers due and that causes a major shift in how much time I spend rambling about my trials and travails in public (that is, if anyone reads this) places.

Well, I finally crashed hard last night and got something more than a handful of hours of sleep. But I woke up this morning with little to do and wandered around the internet before exposing myself to all sorts of psychology testing for research. I found this:

http://theprogrammingblog.com/jokes/things-computers-can-do-in-movies/

That's the cite, here is the list:

Things Computers Can Do In Movies

1. Word processors never display a cursor.
2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
3. Movie characters never make typing mistakes.
4. All monitors display inch-high letters.
5. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.
6. Those that don’t have graphical interfaces will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
7. Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any information you want by simply typing, “ACCESS THE SECRET FILES” on any near-by keyboard.
8. You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing “UPLOAD VIRUS”. (See “Fortress”.)
9. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain’s desktop computer even if it’s turned off.
10. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn’t go faster than you can read. (Really advanced computers will also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.)
11. All computer panels operate on thousands of volts and have explosive devices underneath their surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash of light, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks and an explosion that causes you to jump backwards.
12. People typing on a computer can safely turn it off without saving the data.
13. A hacker is always able to break into the most sensitive computer in the world by guessing the secret password in two tries.
14. You may bypass “PERMISSION DENIED” message by using the “OVERRIDE” function. (See “Demolition Man”.)
15. Computers only take 2 seconds to boot up instead of the average minutes for desktop PCs and 30 minutes or more for larger systems that can run 24 hours, 365 days a year without a reset.
16. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.
17. When the power plant/missile site/main computer overheats, all control panels will explode shortly before the entire building will.
18. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen (See “Clear and Present Danger”).
19. If a disk contains encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you insert it.
20. Computers can interface with any other computer regardless of the manufacturer or galaxy where it originated. (See “Independence Day”.)
21. Computer disks will work on any computer has a floppy drive and all software is usable on any platforms.
22. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it will have (See “Aliens”.)
23. Note: You must be highly trained to operate high-tech computers because the buttons have no labels except for the “SELF-DESTRUCT” button.
24. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional active animation, photo-realistic graphics capabilities.
25. Laptops always have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and performance similar to a CRAY Supercomputer.
26. Whenever a character looks at a monitor, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto their face. (See “Alien” or “2001″)
27. Searches on the internet will always return what you are looking for no matter how vague your keywords are. (See “Mission Impossible”, Tom Cruise searches with keywords like “file” and “computer” and 3 results are returned.)

Pretty accurate and I wish it was that easy to live, but I keep missing the shifting interface that is never given. Like the Star-Trek phenomenon where the same button can be used to change an infinite amount of settings without changing what the key does. If only life was that easy. Now I need to eat before getting some classing fun this evening/afternoon.

While I did manage to grab a whole 5 hours of sleep last night, my migraine is still around and I'm still taking way too many caffeine filled nasal sprays and non-caffeinated steroids. The worst part is, that so far nothing has changed regarding this headache and it just keeps on hurting. Well, I have no idea what the next step is, but it has to be better than this. As for things right now, I keep entertaining myself in stupid was to keep myself from working on the 2 or 3 papers I have left to do. That means I find cool things, like this:

http://www.addictinggames.com/shockdefence.html

and this,

http://www.game-warden.com/bsg/

Regarding the first one, try to beat it with only 5 turrets, that's the best I've been able to do. Regarding the second one, it's just one of the better flight/fighter sims I've run into in a long time. Even though my computer runs it well, I might just need to go out and kill $30 on a joystick because that would increase the playability exponentially. Now the question is, do I want to wait for the game to come out or just enjoy the amazing demo with a joystick and the game when it comes out in full release. So many choices. Anyhow, now I need to get back to my first paper of today and kill off two more before/if I sleep tonight. In the words of Matt, who I learned much from about acceptance and alcohol tolerance, Tschuß bitches.